A New Beginning
by KRB456
Summary: Takes place before the pilot episode and follows the seasons. What if one night of passion leads to so much more for Tara and Jax? Some secrets aren't meant to stay secrets for long! Please read, summary isn't very good
1. Pilot

This is my very first fan fiction story; I was inspired to write one after watching Sons of Anarchy. This story is based on seasons and mostly is about Tara and Jax. It will also be in Tara's Point of View. I will not be killing off Donna in this story nor will Gemma be raped. I own nothing from sons of anarchy!

TARA – POV

I just stared at the pink strip on the test, this couldn't be right! How could this happen, I mean I know how this happens but it was just the once. I am so nervous espesically with my transfer back to St Thomas but I was excited for a baby. I have always wanted a baby but the baby with Joshua wasn't the best idea and now just seemed to be the wrong time. Guess I couldn't get anything right anymore! I justed need some time before I could tell Jax about the baby but should I, I mean he already has a baby and a wife?

**(6 weeks ago or so before beginning of Season One)**

'I shouldn't have come back' was all that kept runing through my head but even though I knew it wasn't the smartest idea; seeing Jax was the only thing I had left. When I left for Chicago I thought that things would be better but it turns out they were worst. I met a guy he was an FTA Agent, the exact opposite to Jax and I thought I would be safer but again life has a funny way of giving you the unexpected. At first, he was a perfect gentleman; it was all fine until about a month into our relationship. It had been so busy at the hosipital that I was unable to speak to him for a week or so, he broke into my apartment in the middle of the night accusing ne of cheating and that was the first time he hit me. Things just escalated from there until I finally managed to get a restraining order but it didn't do any good, he came after me. Here I was five months later runing to Jax, my safe place.

I pulled the car up just outside the fence, I didn't really want to cause a scene if Jax or Gemma was here. Gemma and I used to be close but she is so overprotective that I am positive that she would take offence to me being here. Jax would be a completely different story, we were eachothers first loves and it was intense to put it lightly. I quickly put on my sunglasses and opened the door, stepping out into the past. I walked through the gates past the Teller-Morrow mechanical area and double checked the office for Gemma. I grew up at this clubhouse and knew where everything was.

I continue on my walk towards the clubhouse and the door was already opened. It seemed like nothing in this place had truly changed, the bar and the pool table was still exactly the same. All that had probably changed was that they updated there arrest photos. I didn't really notice him before because I was too distracted by Jax's photo and the resemblance between Jax and John Teller. It was Piney.

"_Hmm, can I help you miss?" _He asked, clearing his throat slightly and struggling to stand.

"_Hey Piney, Its me, Tara" _I said walking closer to him; he was standing at this point and had his hands spread out. I spent many of my teenage years at this club and Piney was one of my favourites.

_"Well come on girl give on old man a hug. Jesus Christ does Gemma know you're back?"_ I shoke my head signally no as I was hugging him taking in the smell of ciggarettes and alcohol with the unmistakable smell of Piney.

_"Is Jax here?"_ I asked probably sounding desperate while still tucked away in the embrace of Piney.

_"Should of known it was about him" _He says smiling and a little smugly. "_Jax"_ he bellows.

_"What do you want old man?" _I heard him before I saw him. I leapt straight at him and could hear Piney chuckling.

_"You have a visitor, I am just going to go do something and give you two some privacy, I won't be mentioning this to Gemma either"_ he says walking away still chuckling but I couldn't care less, Jax smelled the same as i remembered.

"Tara" I glanced up from against his chest. "Jesus Christ, it is you? Are you back?" he exclaimed.

"No" I said shaking my head slightly. He gently removed my sunglasses at this stage, probably to see my face fully.

_"What the Fuck happened? Who did this?" _he said angrily while retracing the black eye and cuts.

_"I can't talk about it, please understand" _Please understand, I can't drag you into this. Its my fight,

_"Well, what are you here for then?"_ I just need one night to feel safe Jax but how do I put that into words.

_"I just need you Jax to make me feel safe" _

"_Okay"_ he said with a slight smirk taking my hand and leading me towards the hallway past the bike on display. We reached his bedroom in the clubhouse, I lent in and gave him a passionate kiss and he picked me up wrapping my legs around his waist. He used his back to push the door open and carried me to the bed, gently placing me down trailing small kisses along my neck and clevage. I leant forward passionately kissing him to remove his cut and t-shirt, runing my fingers along his SAMCRO tattoo. His hands gently squeezing my breasts, rubbing his hands up and down my sides, gently tracing his fingers along my panty line.

"_I missed you so much Tara_" I could feel his hot breath against the side of my neck, I reached up and gently tugged his face to mine, hoping to tell him everything I couldn't say in that kiss. He lifted me up slightly so he could remove my pants while I was unbuckling his pants, I was so wet at this stage. He is my true one and only. He gently placed his penis at my entrance and pushed in slightly thrusting slowly at first and then increasing the pace. We were lost in our passion and my return by this stage.

* * *

><p>4 Hours Later<p>

I gently rolled out from under Jax's arm and reached down to the ground to find my clothing. I had to leave, this was the best decision and worst mistake I had made. It was the best decision because I needed to be with Jax to give me the strength to finally leave Chicago and run from Kohn again. But it was a mistake because I shouldn't have involved Jax in any of this and if I was to stay he would only want answers and I couldn't provide them not yet.

I shrugged on my clothes unable to find my underwear and walked over towards Jax gently placing a kiss on his cheek, his hand reached out for me and I paused to make sure he was still asleep. I let out a breath when I realised he was. I picked up his t-shirt and hugged it to my chest taking in his scent one last time before walking towards the door and back to Chicago.


	2. Tara's Return

**(TARA POV)**It has been a week since my official return to Charming, and I was hiding. When I pulled past the 'Welcome to Charming- Our Name says it all sign' I almost turned the car around; I didn't want Jax to find out about the baby yet until I have a chance to figure out what to do. It had been a week and I hadn't left the house yet in fear of someone recognising me especially Gemma or Jax. The last time I had seen Jax had been amazing but a mistake and that's why I had left in the middle night. I didn't know what to do or say, that's why I left and now I am back. But enough was enough.

I need groceries, so grabbing the keys to the house and the cutlass; I locked the door and started up the car ready to go into town for the first time. I pulled into the grocery store car park. God nothing in this town ever changes, everything seems to stay the same. The store was in exactly the same shape it was in before I left, just been in this town reminds me of the past.

I glanced around; checking to make sure that Jax or Gemma weren't in the store. I could see the Sons of Anarchy cut and started moving so quickly, I almost toppled over until I felt a hard body knocking into me.

I didn't have time to dwell on my fear; I looked down turning to calm myself and then glanced up. It was Donna Winston, we weren't close but still we knew each other.

_"Tara, are you back?"_ Donna asked smiling; she had a young boy with her. He looked exactly like Opie, so it meant that it was Opie I saw in the cut.

_"Yeah, Hey Donna, I just transferred to St Thomas, I am a Neo-natal surgeon now. What do you do with yourself nowadays and is this your only one?"_ I said referring to her son.

"_Nah. I have two, a boy and a girl. Well there is not really much to tell I am a stay at home mum and things have been rough",_ I glance up to see that Opie is on his way over and I know that he will tell Jax that I am back before I get the opportunity to tell him.

_"Well Donna, I have to go pay for these but I am staying at my father's house, call by when you get a chance or to the hospital and we will have lunch, my treat"_ I say quickly, glancing over my shoulder.

I start walking away as she sings out _"Okay, will do"._ I walked up to the counter and place my items on the isle.

_"Excuse me ma 'me, that is $31.95"_

_"Ma 'me"_ the store clerk stays a little louder, shocking me out of my thoughts of whether or not my pregnancy is noticeable. I hand over $35 dollars and pick up my bags saying over my shoulder _"keep the change"._ I place the bags into my car and drive off ready for the next day when I start at St Thomas Hospital.

'It's a brand new day' I think while doing the finishing touches on my make-up and hair. I quickly grab my jacket and bag double checking that I have the keys and walk out the door into the car ready to begin my first day at work.

I notice the reception area and walk up to the front desk to a young woman with light blonde hair with the name Shelley. _"Hi Shelley, I am doctor Tara Knowles I start my first day today"_ I say handing over my Id.

_"Um, yes just let me double check"_ she says shuffling some papers. _"oh yes, here it is, I just need your signature right here"_ she exclaims pointing towards the bottom of the page. I quickly sign the paper not really bothering to read it; I pass it back to her.

"_Well, doctor Sanders will just be out to meet you if you want to take a seat"_ Shelley says. "_That's fine, thank you"_ I quickly walk into the waiting room and take a seat, my feet are killing me; I didn't really know the symptoms take place straight away.

_"Doctor Tara Knowles"_ a young man in a doctor coat yells out.

I quickly walk up and introduce myself shaking his hand. _"Hey Doctor, I am Jeffery Saunders, the hospital administration is away today so I am filling in, I am a neuro-surgeon"_ he starts making small chat as we walk around the hospital but I wasn't really interested.

I was too lost in my thought but I suddenly heard _"and this will be your office"_ I glance up at this statement, I quickly glance around my office; I wasn't really too interested in settling in, I just wanted to start work to get my mind of everything else.

"_So wh__en can I start"_ I asked anxiously, "_Now, if you want, It will probably just been a slow afternoon giving you a chance to settle in"_ he says.

_ "Thanks so much for the tour",_ I say slightly dismissing him and walking in the direction of my office.

The office is smaller than my old one in Chicago but at least this one is safer and doesn't contain bad memories. I settled into my office chair and got comfortable. I woke up suddenly to the beeping of my pager and glanced to the clock on my wall noticing it read 4:59pm.

_"Fuck, I feel asleep, what a great message to send on my first day_" I exclaimed. My pager continued going off reading 911. I walked quickly out of my office into the emergency room. _"I was paged 911"_ I said

_"Yeah we have a semi-conscious female, roughly 7 months pregnant overdosed and the baby is in distress"_ the nurses said tying my scrubs.

"_Okay, thanks"_ I said walking into the operating room.

_ "Patients name"_ I asked. "_Wendy Teller, 7 months pregnant the baby is in distress and has a torn abdomen and a contigental heart defect"_ she said.

Fuck this is Jax's wife and baby; it means they are all going to be at the hospital soon.I quickly say my good luck charm before begining my first cut on her stomach to remove the baby_"It's a beautiful day to save lives, lets remove this baby and save their lives". _


	3. Pilot Episode

_"The patient is stable but the baby has complications",_ Wendy was stable but the baby was ten weeks premature and had numerous complications. We were settling Wendy into the ICU and the baby had to go into the incubator. I can't believe that she would do this to her baby; I lightly touched my stomach and thought about my own baby and what was going to happen. I wasn't quite ready for Jax or Gemma to know, the timing isn't right and luckily for me the scrubs covered my slight baby bump.

"_Doctor did you want me to notify the family?"_ The nurse asked obviously noticing the large number of people approaching the room.

_"No its fine, I'll notify them"_ I said, walking towards the door. Jax looked as attractive as usual and although I was slightly nervous about speaking to him since that night. This was more important and his baby's life was at danger.

I approached the large group and before I could begin speaking, "_what the hell happened?"_ Jax asked worriedly.

"_When was the last time you saw her?"_ I asked needing to know.

_"Couple of weeks? She wouldn't speak to me"_ Jax looked guilty and more miserable when I asked this question. I can't imagine what it would be like for Jax to find out like this, however I couldn't help but wonder if they are still together.

_"Her hands and feet were full of tracks; toxicology hasn't come back yet but it's mostly likely crank"_ Junkie whore, how could she do this to her baby.

"_The baby?"_ Jax asked, Gemma moved forward at this point to comfort him.

_"We had to do an emergency C-section, he is ten weeks premature"_

_"Holy shit"_ Jax replied, Gemma looked like she was about to take him into her arms. I had to fill him in on the rest of the details though.

"_Come on, let's sit, I'll walk you through all this",_ I told him gesturing towards the seating area.

_"Just tell me" "He has gastric tear in his abdomen and a contigental heart defect, the gastric tear is from the drugs but the heart defect is"_

_"The family flaw"_ Gemma answered before I could finish my sentence still failing to make eye contact with me.

_"Yes, either would be serious but the two of them together is life threatening. The other doctor gives him a 20% survival rate and I am afraid that's been optimistic"_

"_I didn't know she didn't want to talk to me"_ Jax says looking heartbroken. "She missed her last three appointments, no one knew" I said hoping to provide some comfort.

"Come on, I'll take you to see him" I said walking forward slightly.

"_Tara, you don't have to do this"_ Jax says but I have to do this, this is my baby's brother, I need to know that he is safe and survives.

_"I asked to do this, I am going to help your son"_, I need to help him.

"_Thanks, go with Tara Ma, I have shit to do"_ he says towards Gemma.

_"Jax" "Jackson"_ Gemma and I yell but he continues walking. Tara follows behind me towards the baby and the rest of them seem to disappear.

"_You must love this"_ Gemma says as we are walking towards the incubator.

"_Excuse me, how can anyone be loving this, Jax's baby is fighting to stay alive, is this really the right time for your accusations Gemma",_ god she is such a bitch.

"_You stroll into Jax's life now, acting all perfect, this is my family don't you forget it, you just can't walk back into his life whenever you see fit_" she sees snidely.

"_I am just going to give you some alone time with the baby and check on Wendy",_ I don't want to give her the pleasure of knowing that she got to me. I didn't even look backwards just walked straight towards the door, I know its hormones but she certainly is a spiteful bitch. And to think we used to close, if she thinks she is going to dictate how and when I am in Jax's life then she has another thing coming.

It was almost time for my shift to finish and I was so ready to leave; my first day has been stressful and it seems like I have been here for a week. I really had to get home and put my feet up and eat, all this stress couldn't be good for the baby. But the place was an absolute disaster, only the kitchen, bedroom and bathroom were inhabitable; my dad was a bit of a packrat.

An hour later and my shift was finally finished and I was ready to return home. I could only really have a quick shower and laydown before I had to be back as I was pulling a double shift tonight.

After a quick nap and some food, I was back at the hospital in less than 4 hours for the night shift. I arrived in time to scrub in on 'Abel's' heart surgery was successful and I had to notify Gemma about the decision not to wait to begin the stomach surgery.

Of course while I was notifying Gemma about starting the stomach surgery, she could help herself but be a spiteful bitch. I had to ask, although I knew it was probably more trouble than it was worth_ "Do you have a problem with me assisting on this surgery?"_

"_Are you a good doctor?"_ honestly did she expect me to say no. "_Yes",_ then she replied in her snug tone "_then no, I don't"._

The words left my mouth before I could stop them about her forthrightness and she had to bring up the past about forgetting a lot of things. She just can't accept anything. I was walking away when I felt the back of my scrubs being lifted up, I immediately covered my stomach with my arms so she couldn't see my baby bump although I doubted she knew anything about that night between me and Jax. She said something but I missed it, too lost in my thoughts.

But I knew it was something about my tattoo "I _leave it there so I know that shit is behind me",_ I wish I could have come up with something better but I was too distracted.

_"I forgot how smart you could be_" she says walking off making snide comments under her breath. I couldn't really care what she had to say at the moment, she was the least of my worries.

Later that evening, just after I had finished the surgery on Abel, I removed my mask and took a breather. We had almost lost him in there, I sent a nurse to notify Gemma about the success of Abel's surgery. I couldn't deal with her right now and I am not really sure if I am able to continue in the neo-natal field anymore. It was getting too personal.

I ran into Jax before going to my office, _"is he okay?"_ I nodded.

_ "he looks good"_ it brought an immediate smile to his face and he wrapped his arms around me, we were so close to kissing,our lips were just touching. I had to stop this; this was only going to make things more complicated. I looked down at my lab coat and noticed the blood and then looked at Jax. I was disappointed; this is a hospital for Christ sake I know he was worried but he had to be more careful.

_"Clean yourself up"_ I said before walking away, I can't deal with this now especially since I have decided to keep the baby but I still hadn't decided if I should Jax he was the father. I couldn't be sure that he was ready for Abel, let alone another baby.


	4. SeedsFun House

It was only my second day back at Charming and my third shift at the hospital and things have gone from surprisingly stressing for a so-called easy day to disastrous. Wendy had overdosed last night and only an idiot would assume that Gemma wasn't involved especially after our disastrous conversation yesterday.

I was just finishing reading the Ugly Duckling to Abel when I noticed Jax walking towards the NicU through the glass window. I leant down to say goodbye the baby through the hand slot on the incubator, I wanted to be close to Abel for my baby and I didn't want him to be alone. I walked outside the room where I met Jax.

He smiled and said "_I'm sorry for the other night",_ I told him that I really didn't want to know, I didn't need to know. Jax then said "_I figured you would land a million miles from this place, you always hated it here". _

I hate that he thinks that I hated it here with him so I told him "_I didn't hate Charming Jax, just me in it at the time"_ and all he said was "_Yeah"_. I started to tell him about Wendy being okay and I had to know if they were still together before I considered telling him about the baby.

"_You too, are you together?"_ I know I shouldn't have asked but I had to know. "_Nah, filed over a year ago, didn't work out to well"_ was all he said.

We didn't really talk much more and he then mentioned having to go so I said something about making rounds and then he stood up and said "_Good to have you back"_ I nodded and smiled.

"_Jax"_ I called to him ready to tell him about the baby, I wasn't sure if I could keep this to my self anymore. He stopped and turned; waiting for me to continue but I chickened out in the last minute, I couldn't until I knew if he was ready "_It's good to be back"_ was all I could say.

Luckily my shift was ending so I could leave this hospital and start organising some stuff. I went over to the reception area after quickly changing out of my scrubs and into some comfy clothing to sign the usual time sheet.

I had almost finished signing my time sheet when Gemma walked in. I couldn't help myself I was going to give her a piece of my mind, how dare she provide Wendy with the drugs; if that was all she did. But before I could even hope to mention anything she had already said _"Abel seems better, stronger" _happily.

"_Yeah he is a lucky kid, both he and his mum survived death in the same night"_ I said hoping to let her know that I knew she was involved in Wendy's overdose somehow.

"_Yeah I heard about Wendy, very sad_", I don't think she could have said that anymore smugly, she honestly thinks that she can get away with everything.

"_I suppose you would be",_ I mean come on Gemma do I honestly look that stupid.

"_Something weighing on your mind?"_ she asked.

"_No, something weighing on yours?"_ god she honestly couldn't care less about the fact that she almost caused her grandchild's mothers death. I was so glad that I hadn't mentioned my baby yet; god knows what she would do or say. We continue in our banter for a little while more and I had had enough; she knew that I knew something and I started heading towards the elevator, I wasn't going to waste any more of my time on this bitch.

But of course like Gemma does she just couldn't leave it alone, she followed me towards the elevator and started with her crap all over again.

"_That's how you are going to win Jax back, accusing his mother of trying to murder his ex-wife", _how dare she.

"_I came back for the job" _I was so ready to leave at this point. I mentioned how no one is untouchable and then she tried to act all seductively towards me asking if I wanted to touch her and how happy that would make me. I felt my hand lift at this stage ready to hit her, but just pushed my fingers into my fist and headed onto the elevator.

I drove into the streets of Charming; this place is so much smaller than Chicago. I stopped outside Oswald Painters and went inside; I wanted to get the house repainted an antique white colour and had decided to do all three bedrooms including the master bedroom a gender neutral colour of a pale blue. I was in the store for only about twenty minutes finalising the shades and details, Kenny the store clerk said that they were available to do the painting this afternoon and would move the furniture for me.

"_Will I have to be there?"_ I asked, worriedly paint fumes are not good for the baby.

"_Nah. Lady we can do the paint job without you there as long as it's fine with you? It may take a few hours however, and we will need your keys." _

"_That's fine; it should be done by this evening though right? How much is this going to cost?" _I looked down at my watch to see that it was only 9; 15 am. I really didn't want to have to be out all day and was looking forward to catching some sleep.

"_Yeah it should be finished by about 5 pm and it will be 1200 for the painting and an extra 200 for the moving of the furniture for you and we will put it all back where you want it, you just write it down for us". _

"_Okay excellent" _I said handing over my drawings of where I would like the furniture to be placed. "_Cash or Card?"_ Kenny asked.

"_Credit Card please"_ he then took my card and swiped the card in the machine; I signed the receipt and handed over the front door key.

"_Excellent lady, have an awesome day"_ he called as I headed out the door.

I really had to do some small grocery shopping and buy a few small household things, the only issue was that there really was only one shopping centre in this town and it wasn't going to have everything I needed. I was going to have to go into Lodi to do my shopping, I noticed Donna and Gemma outside the shopping centre it was only a few shops away. They seemed to be having a slight disagreement and I started walking towards them both. Although it was only a few metres away I took my time, it wouldn't be the best idea to get involved; I was just planning to check on Donna.

By the time I got there, Gemma had already stalked to her car and Donna was leaning slightly against the truck. "_Is everything okay?"_ I asked slightly touching her shoulder.

"_Yeah everything is fine"_ she replied although by her face, you could clearly see that it wasn't.

I lent down to pick up her groceries that Gemma had dropped "_I don't want them, Gemma brought them"_ she said.

I picked them up and handed them to her "_It doesn't matter; you shouldn't let them go to waste. What are you doing now; I believe I owe you a cup of coffee?" _

Donna smiled slightly "_nothing really, kids are at school and I needed to go into Lodi"_ excellent I thought.

"_Well that works out perfectly, we can drop off your groceries and head off to Lodi together then"_, it would be nice to have a friend in charming especially seeing as I was sticking around I mentally exclaimed. We seemed to reach an agreement and drove off towards her house and I was following slightly behind her in the cutlass. Once the groceries were put away, we got into my car and drove towards Lodi.

We went into the shopping mall together and picked up the items that we needed, I hide some of my purchases from Donna as they were for the baby. After paying for our items, Donna and I went to the coffee store where we had a drink and something small to eat.

She proceeded to tell me what had taken place with Gemma and how Gemma had told her that _"SAMCRO was the glue_"but for Donna it was more of the knife cutting her family apart.

I had to go and see if I could get a doctor's appointment because I couldn't exactly do the ultrasound at St Thomas and Donna had to go to the bank to sort out some financial issues. We decided to go our separate ways and I was going to pick her up from the bank in two hours. I dropped her off at the bank and drove ahead to a free clinic. The receptionist informed me that there was a cancellation and they were able to see me straight away. I took a seat in the reception area and waited for my name to be called.

"_Tara Knowles"_ a female doctor called looking around the waiting room. I quickly stood up and walked in the direction of the doctor and she gestured towards what was obviously her office.

"_It says that you are a first time patient here, is that correct?"_ I nodded. _"Excellent, well we need to cover a few general questions then. Is this your first pregnancy?" _she asked.

"_No, it will be my first baby and I have previously had an abortion_" I answered truthfully, it was Joshua's baby. _"Okay, how long ago was this?"_ she further asked.

"_Um, about 5 months ago",_ although I never thought I would have an abortion it was the better option at the time. _"Okay, well let's get started then. Just lie back on the chair and relax. The gel may be a little cold"_ I laid down on the chair and she lowered the back.

"_Is that comfortable?"_ she asked, I just nodded. I am too anxious to see my baby; I guess it will not really feel real until it's on the screen. She gently rubbed the gel on my stomach and moved the ultrasound wand until she found the baby.

"_Well you are about 6 weeks and 5 days along. It's only the size of a bean at this stage but has a really strong heartbeat at 115bpm; if you look closely you can see the arms and legs starting to form. Did you want a print out? "_the doctor asked, I nodded crying.

This is my baby. She wiped the gel of my stomach and passed me the print out, I couldn't stop crying. Jax and I did this; we created this tiny life inside me.

"_I expect to see you back in about 4 weeks_" I just nodded again; I was distracted by the photo. She gently led me towards the reception area where I set the next appointment date.

I left the doctor's office and drove in the direction of the bank to pick up Donna. I parked and looked down at my watch; there was still a little while so I got the photograph back out and stared at it. I was shocked out of my thoughts when I heard the car door open, it was Donna and she had obviously already seen the ultrasound photo because she opened her mouth to speak but I just shoke my head lightly. It was a very quiet car ride back to Charming, with neither of us really knowing what to say or how to start. I pulled up outside the front of Donna's house and stopped the engine _"Did you want to come in for dinner? We can talk?"_ she offered.

"_No, I think I am just going to go home and sleep, you can meet me at the hospital sometime for lunch if you want?" _I suggested.

"_Sounds perfect" _she said, shutting the car door. I waved starting the engine and driving off in the direction of the house.

* * *

><p>It had been amazing to find out more about my baby, I was getting more excited now. I had only been here a week at this stage and it felt that it had been a lifetime. I hadn't made any contact with Donna since the incident with the photograph and the car; I was avoiding her calls until I could figure out what to do. It was amazing reading my baby's progress in what to expect when you are expecting book.<p>

The house was finally coming along; the spare bedroom and kitchen were finally clean and finished. I had also had the bathroom re-furnished and cleaned; I had to hire some people to do the work because I didn't want to take any risks. The lounge room was the only room left to really finish but my dad was a bit of a pack rat so it would take some time and I still had to get the carpet cleaned with all the furniture moved out.

I finished my make-up, put my hair into a ponytail and quickly called Donna to meet for lunch at 1pm and grabbed the keys on the way out. I was on my way to the hospital and noticed that the fun town carnival was on which meant it was going to be a slow day.

I was only an hour into my shift when Gemma walked in, she gave me a snide look and I made my way over to her "_Wendy is out of detox, thought you would want to know in case you wanted to bring her flowers or something"_ while walking off so she didn't have the chance to say anything. I went into my office to file anyway some paperwork, I was only in there for a while when 911 beeped across my pager. I went to check on the situation, the patient was a 13 year old girl beaten and had torn vaginal walls meaning she was raped. I checked her injuries, ensured she was stable before placing her in the children ward and notify the parents. I notified her father and mother Elliot & Karen Oswald, they were comforting each other and headed in the direction of Abel trying to hide my tears, I couldn't believe someone would do this to a child.

"I_ protect you baby, I promise_" I whispered to my stomach as I walked into the NicU. I sat down besides the incubator and picked up a children's book that someone must have left behind and began reading. After a while, I checked my watch and noticed it was almost 1'O clock and gently touched Abel saying goodbye; I headed down towards the cafeteria to meet Donna.

I was walking down the stairs when I had a small dizzy spell and had to sit for a while before continuing to the cafeteria. I arrived to notice that Donna was already sitting at a table of to the side obviously trying to get as much privacy as possible. I walked over "_I am just going to order some lunch, I'll grab something for you while I am up there"_ she started to protest but I just shushed her with my hand because I knew it was tough financially.


	5. Chapter 5

I walked up to the counter just thinking over my options; I mean it wasn't like I had to tell her the truth. She probably wouldn't know what happened between Jax and me, he might have told Opie but in the Sons life's club and brotherhood came before family. "_Hey, what can I get you today?"_ A young girl in a canteen uniform asked.

"_I will have two Cajun chicken baguette, medium pesto pasta, a regular cappuccino and a small hot chocolate please", _the girl grabbed all my requested items and placed them all on the tray with a table number. _"That will be 21.50 today" _I handed over the money and walked towards Donna, I placed the food down on the table and sat down.

'_So… thanks for the food Tara but are you going to explain the photo?"_ Donna asked. _"How about we eat first and then I will tell you everything" _ I just needed a little bit more time to prepare myself and my answer. After a little while of peacefully eating our lunch and Donna continually opening her mouth and then closing it every time she looked at me, I had decided and was set in my decision. There was no turning back for a while.

"_The photo you found is mine; I am six weeks pregnant and I found out I was pregnant before I left Chicago and didn't tell the father. I was in a bad relationship and I just needed to be home so I came back"_ I wanted to be as close to the truth, I just was leaving out all the details revolving around Jax.

"_Are you going to eventually tell the father and what about Jax?" _she inquired_, "I will, just not yet and for Jax I am not sure"._ I must have satisfied her curiosity because she then changed the subject to if I wanted a boy or girl. I told her a girl, I wanted a girl because I always wanted to have an older brother growing up and she would have Abel, plus I also didn't want there to be too much jealously between Abel and my child because of age and gender. It was kind of ironic as I was already planning my family to include Jax and Abel yet it was only me and my baby. _"So have you decided on the nursery, and are you planning on staying at your dad's house?" _

"_Well he left it to me so I am just going to make some small renovations and stuff, I have had the nursery painted and am planning on picking up some furniture later this week if you wanted to come?"_ I asked. "_Yeah, I would love to just let me know when and where"_ we continued making small talk for some time until it was time for me to resume my shift.

I resumed my rounds and didn't have too many difficult cases or patients; after checking on all my patients and spending some time reading to Abel, I grabbed my paperwork from the front office and headed towards my office to fill it all out. I was interrupted from my thinking by a knock on the door, it was my boss Dr Saunders.

"_Tara I hope I am not interrupting, I was just wondering if you were available to discuss the paperwork that were faxed to me"_ He asked. _"Yeah, take a seat"_ I said gesturing towards the chairs near the window. _"So you want to transfer out of the Neonatal department after a couple of days here, any particular reason?" _

"_I know that it is a bit of an indisposition but I just have some personal issues that I need to deal with and I can't be taking care of babies right now. I was thinking a transfer to general surgery."_ I answered, hoping that was enough of a reason but I knew it wouldn't be. _"Do you mind expanding on your reasons, it's just strange that after only a couple days of being here you want to transfer!"_ He inquired, leaning in slightly towards me in a comforting manner but to be honest his aftershave was making me feel like I was going to be sick.

"_I am six weeks pregnant and I just can't handle looking after sick and dying babies. Is it okay if I transfer into general?" _

"_Yes, Tara that is a suitable request. There will a fair bit of paperwork that you will need to fill out for your transfer. Did you want some time off to sort out some details?"_ I declined and mentioned filling out the paperwork at a later stage. We continued to make small talk for a while before he was paged to deal with an administrational issue.


End file.
